


Breath Evenly 2

by yhut2013



Series: Breath Evenly [2]
Category: Freier Fall | Free Fall (2013)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25638043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhut2013/pseuds/yhut2013
Summary: Pick up where previous work Breath Evenly ended. See what other hurdles Marc and Kay have to go through before finally getting 'married' and living happily ever after. Include some courtroom drama, medical drama and family drama etc.Recommend reading the previous work Breath Evenly first. Unlike the previous one which is mostly written from Marc's point of view, I will try to write this one from both Marc and Kay's points of view.
Relationships: Marc Borgmann/Kay Engel
Series: Breath Evenly [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858549
Comments: 22
Kudos: 14
Collections: Marc Borgmann et kay engel





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the sequel to Freier Fall named Breath Evenly back in 2017 when I heard that there are some effort for Freier Fall 2 to be made. It is now 2020 and now seems the actual sequel of the movie may never be filmed :(. I recently reread the story I wrote and the lovely comments people left. Thank you to all those who left a comment on my previous story. It's also nice to see there have been so many more talented people written sequels in this fandom since I wrote mine in 2017. I remembered I had a plan for the continuation of the story. Now 3 years later, I finally seem to gather enough muse that I decided to take a shot at writing a sequel to my previous story. Feel like with everything going on in the world, it's now or never. I have the plot roughly outlined but not sure how they will materialize on the pages. I will work hard to finish but no promises :P.

Chapter 1

With your situation Mr. Engel, I would go ahead and schedule it. The sooner the better. It’s much preferred to do it electively...

Kay closed his eyes, took a deep breath in hope to clear his head as he walked into the municipal courts. Today was the first day of the trial against Bauer and he is scheduled to testify. It will be gruesome as it is. He cannot afford to let any other thoughts distract him. 

“Don’t worry too much babe,” Marc caught up with Kay from behind and gave his shoulder a supportive squeeze, “remember the saying? Just imagine everyone naked.” 

Kay turned toward his lover and grinned, “I would much rather just imagine you naked.” He whispered into Marc’s ear and chuckled at the blush this comment achieved on the other man. 

Serving as police officers, both Marc and Kay have made court appearances before, but this is the first time stepping up to witness stand as a plaintiff. Considering the turmoil they both went through just short 4months ago, Marc thought it was amazing Kay was able to face his tormentor without another panic attack. He didn’t tell anyone, he still wakes up sweating from nightmares. Sometimes they got to Kay too late, Bauer had already shot him. Sometimes they were never able to find Kay at all. What went through Marc’s sleep last night was the one he dreaded the most, Kay was so traumatized from this that he killed himself. Marc was usually not able to fall back asleep after those nightmares, the only thing that keeps his heart from stuttering out of his chest is Kay’s comforting presence on the other side of the bed. 

On the outside Kay seems to be dealing with this much better than Marc, but Marc knew better. Kay has the amazing ability to bury his thoughts so deep that even himself sometimes forgets their existence. But they will come out and haunt him, usually at the most impromptu times. 

Stepping into the high ceiling room with red carpet, mahogany wooden tables and brass stands like from the 18th century with the people in there wearing their darkest suits and most solemn faces, it is hard not to get intimidated. Kay wondered if it is too late to make an escape now. What’s the worst that can happen? He thought. The police do not have enough evidence for conviction. Bauer goes off free. He could live with that as Kay was never a person who held grudges or was big on revenge. Would he be putting himself, Marc, or others in danger by letting a lunatic free? He doubted it. From what he heard through the grapevines in the force, Bauer was pretty messed up from the 3 shots from Marc and Lukas. 

Stop it now. You are a law enforcement officer for god sakes. He shook his head. It may be impossible to restore justice into this world, but that doesn’t mean they should stop trying. Kay looked across the court and unexpectedly saw himself staring at his nemesis straight in the eye. Bauer was already sitting in the defense stand. He appeared much different than Kay’s memory. The man seemed to have aged 20 years in the last 4 months and must have lost half of his muscle mass. Sitting on a wheelchair, Bauer looked jaundiced and emancipated, like a sick old man. 

Seeing Bauer’s current state actually lifted Marc’s spirit a bit. Serves you right, he silently snickered. Now he doesn’t have to regret now being able to kill Bauer with his own hands that fateful night. Marc looked around the court and saw an important looking man with square jaws and grey hair in his late 60s sitting by the right side of the court right behind the defense stand. That must be Wolfgang Bauer, Marc thought. They learnt from social media and their friends that Bauer was actually from a prominent family with his uncle the owner of a successful sausage distributor in Southeast Germany. Some people on social media called him the ‘sausage king’ of Munich. 

And of course, being as rich as the ‘sausage king’, they were able to afford the most notorious defense lawyer in Munich, Jorg Wolfe, famous for getting off the man whom everyone knew murdered his wife because of irregularities in police procedures. His tiny stature was talking animatedly on the cell phone. 

“You okay?” Marc asked worriedly as they took their seats. He could feel the tension emitting from Kay sitting beside him. Kay nodded weakly while keeping his eyes squeezed shut. He is trying hard to erase the images that are threatening to flood his brain. 

“Good luck today. You will both do great!” Both Marc and Kay saw the text message from their friend Max Wildt as they went to silence their cell phones. Doctor Max Wildt, the young emergency room physician who received Kay and treated his wounds on the first night after the assault, who recommended therapy to help with mental trauma Kay had to endure, who accidentally revealed to Marc that he was also gay, coincidentally became a good friend of the couple after they saw more of him in the clinic. He was the first one telling them about the story behind Bauer’s family. 

“Please rise for your honour.” 

Marc squeezed Kay’s hand as they stood up when the court was called to order, feeling for the titanium band on his ring finger. “ I will be here.” Marc whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my knowledge of court room drama is based on ten year old British police procedural shows. I have no legal knowledge so I am sorry as this is completely amateur. It's only the beginning and already so much anguish. LOL.

Chapter 2

“Mr. Engel, I know it’s difficult, but can you again reiterate regarding what happened the night of December 14th, 2014 in front of your honor and members of the jury?” The prosecutor asked in a gentle voice. Leon Wagner, barely 30 years old, a rising star in the judiciary branch of the government. 

Kay nodded and cleared his throat hesitantly. “It was a chilly Sunday afternoon and I just came out of the grocery store to shop for supper. Bauer drove a white van which knocked me over and he hit me at the back of my head. After I woke up, I was tied and gagged in the back of the van. He brought me to this old warehouse and tied me up to the ceiling. He cut my sweat shirt off and started hitting me with a whip. He said he wanted revenge, for getting him fired from the police force, and ruining his life. He then took off...took off his pants…” Kay paused, losing his voice. 

“Take you time Mr. Engel.” Wagner smiled sympathetically. 

Kay took a sip of the lukewarm water that was handed to him on the witness stand even though he felt no thirst. All those dark images he worked so hard in the last 4 months to suppress had to be conjured up again. Kay wondered how many therapy sessions it would take for him to not see himself violated every time he closed his eyes. He continued shakily, “he raped me, over and over. I bit my lip so hard that I could taste the blood and flesh. When Marc got there, Bauer had guns pointing at both me and Marc. He would have killed both of us if it wasn’t for the help of Lukas, Oliver and others.” 

Marc let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding until Kay finished his statement. This is the third time he had to sit through the man he loved talk about the horrendous trauma he had to suffer that awful night. Worse than a fresh wound, every time, the same wound was cut deeper and deeper in his heart. 

“Thank you Mr. Engel. It took tremendous courage for you to recount that experience in front of everyone here today.” The prosecutor nodded to Kay in acknowledgement then turned to the jury stand. “Your honour, ladies and gentleman of the jury, my client Officer Engel, has suffered unspeakable trauma at the hands of the accused. He was confined against his will, sexually and physically assaulted, and almost murdered by the defendant. Both the physical and psychological damage to my client and his loved ones cannot be overstated. It is up to you, respectable members of the jury to see to that justice is carried out and the defendant gets what he deserves.” 

Staring at the high mahogany ceiling in the courtroom, Kay tried to empty his head of those ghastly images he was forced to recount. He knew what is to come from the cross-examination can only be many times worse. 

***

“Mr. Engel, in your statement you said a white van knocked you over and someone from behind hit the back of your head. Is that true?” 

“Yes,” Kay nodded. 

“You also said when you woke up in the back of the van, you were tied up and your eyes were covered. Is this correct?” 

“Yes.” Kay didn’t really have any idea what this small defense lawyer was getting at. 

“So you can conclude that you didn’t actually see my client kidnapping you and driving you to the warehouse. The first time you actually saw my client is in the warehouse.” 

“You can say that. But I didn’t encounter anyone else besides Bauer. Who else could have driven the van?” 

Wolfe turned to the jury stand. “I have to remind everyone that the so-called white van was never found by the police. The surveillance cameras in the grocery market parking lot also did not capture the said vehicle. So there is absolutely no evidence that my client drove the van or even kidnapped Mr. Engel other than his own statements.” 

“What the hell are you on about? Are you suggesting I got to the warehouse myself?” Kay wanted to bite his tongue as soon as he blurted out.  _ Scheibe _ .  _ I walked straight into that one, didn’t I.  _

“Mr. Engel, what do you say was your relationship with my client before this encounter?” 

“There is no relationship.” Kay snarled. 

“You are saying you did not know my client what so ever before?” 

“No. I knew him. He was in the same unit as me in Stuttgart.” 

“Did you have a sexual relationship with my client?” 

“No, though he wanted to.” Kay shifted uncomfortably in the chair, “I didn’t agree.” 

“Really?” Wolfe raised the brows above the pair of tiny eyes. “Because according to my client, it was the other way around. He declined your offer multiple times.” 

“Well, that is not true. He must be lying to you.” 

Wolfe shrugged his shoulders. “It’s hard to prove one way or another.” 

“Back in Stuttgart, he ambushed me with a bunch of other slugs one night. If it wasn’t for our sergeant passing by, I would have been badly hurt. He, he also attempted to force himself on me back then.” Kay added in a quieter voice. 

“According to your report 2 years ago in Stuttgart, you stated physical assault but did not mention anything about sexual assault. So either you were omitting the truth back then or you are lying now.” Wolfe clicked his tongue. 

Kay looked mortified while Wagner shook his head. Caught not matching previous statements is a huge taboo in criminal courts. 

Marc clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. Despite the spacious high ceiling, he still felt all the walls closing in on him. He didn’t know how much longer he could endure before he ran down the steps, grabbed Kay from the witness stand, and escaped without a second look back. 

“Mr. Engel. How many sexual partners have you had?” Wolfe changed his tone. In the tight fitting suit, the 5 feet defense lawyer Jorg Wolfe looked even more like a weasel. 

“Objection, your honour. The question is irrelevant to the case.” Wagner stood up in a flash. 

“I will prove it to be relevant.” Wolfe winked at the judge. 

Judge Muller sighed and beaconed him to go on. He knew Jorg Wolfe’s reputation inside out. He had a feeling this would be a long case trial. 

“So Mr. Engel. How many sexual partners have you had?” Wolfe asked again, raising his voice. 

“I don’t know. I don’t keep count.” Kay snapped. 

“I am only asking for a general number Mr. Engel. Is the number in the tens, hundreds, five hundreds, or thousands? And may I remind you that you are under oath to speak the truth.” 

“I don’t know.” Kay stammered, “maybe 500.” 

Marc sighed. He could feel the silent awes and raised eyebrows in the audience and jury stands. 

Wolfe turned back to his stand and grabbed a document and put on a pair of glasses to read. “I have a few statements from your previous sexual partners back when you were in Frankfurt. Mr. Thomas Kislinger said he met Mr. Engel in a club and had fun for a couple of weeks. There were times that Mr. Engel would agree to be tied to bedpost and blind folded during sex. Mr. Antonio Corvello, an Italian gentleman, said Mr. Engel agreed to being whipped during sexual encounters. And Mr. Cameron Crowe, an Australian gentleman, said Mr. Engel had agreed to play kidnap and ‘rape’. So,” Wolfe looked up from his glasses, “is there a possibility that this encounter with my client Mr. Bauer can be interpreted as a part of a sexual fantasy?” 

“Objection, your honour. Mr Wolfe is asking leading questions.” Wagner yelled. 

“Objection granted. Mr. Wolfe please rephrase your question. Mr. Engel you do not have to answer that question.” 

“Shut up you piece of shit!” Marc couldn’t take this anymore. He wanted to jump from the audience stand and show that weasel what he is made of. “Kay needed 20 stitches just from the whip lashes, not counting the ones, the ones he needed inside. Tell me is this your sick type of fantasy?!” 

“My point is, ladies and gentleman of the jury. Of course I cannot prove this is a sexual fantasy of Mr. Engel and my client Mr. Bauer. But just from the statements presented by Mr. Engel, or Mr. Borgmann, there isn’t conclusive evidence that this encounter was not consensual. Some sexual enactments can become quite elaborate involving police in uniforms with real guns. The bottom line is, only Mr. Engel and my client know what really happened that night.” 

The loud bang of the gravel strike caused Marc to sit down. “Order!” Judge Muller called, “Mr. Borgmann please sit down and do not speak out of turn. If this happens again I will have to ask you to leave.” 

Marc nodded in obedience. He looked across the room into Kay’s clear blue eyes trying to convey some energy into his lover.  _ You can do this Babe. You are brave and strong. We cannot let them win.  _

In the meantime, Wagner asked for intermission that was granted by the judge. It was decided that the court will reconvene in 3 days. 

All colors have drained from Kay’s face along with his energy and even his will to fight. He knew this would be hard. His therapist Dr. Schmidt told him, his friends Dr. Wildt, Lukas, Oliver told him. His lawyer Wagner told him. He thought he had prepared himself for it. But still never for this. Kay didn’t want to do this in the beginning. If it was up to him, he would have buried everything deep down, erases from his memory, pretended this didn’t happen. He was always able to lick his wounds, get up to pat the dust off his shoulders and carry on. But Marc convinced him to tell every detail in his statements. Marc, with his unwavering love and support, thirst for revenge and some naivety of a young police officer with the belief that wrongs can be made right and justice can be carried out. So he did, bore his soul in the police station, told them all the gory details. Partly for himself, but mostly for Marc. He didn’t want Marc to be disappointed in him. He didn’t want Marc to think he was a coward. 

Not only he had to relive his worst nightmare, peel off a barely healed scab to open the wound to air. Let creatures such as Wolfe sprinkle salt on his freshly opened wound. His past sex life is also aired to dry like dirty laundry to be judged and ridiculed by everyone. The Kay 3 years ago would not have given shit about it. He lived the life the way he wanted and as long as he didn’t hurt anyone, he could care less about what others thought of him. But now it’s different. Now he has Marc. How is Marc going to face fellow police officers in the station? As this is going to be all over the news and social media, Bettina and Marc’s parents would also know. How is Marc going to face them? What about their son Sebastian? What would he think when he gets older? He didn’t even want to think about his sister Lisa and his nephews. 

And the worst part is, it looks like all this would be in vain. Even opening up his deepest wounds would not be enough to convict Bauer. 

Kay avoided concerned gaze from Marc and looked at Bauer sitting in the defendant stand, leaning on the handle of the wheelchair looking half asleep. Not sure he is really that weak and tired or just trying to score some sympathy points with the jury. Is this the same man that attacked him those months ago? Was it really worth displaying everything in the open to put him in jail, someone who seemed to be one foot in the grave anyway. 

This is a mess. Kay mumbled under his breath. Just like everything throughout his 30 years of life. All Kay wished was to live life his way and chase after what he wanted. Yet he managed to make a mess out of everything, bringing nothing but trouble to everyone around him. 

Kay twisted the titanium band that Marc put on his left ring finger the night before they left for the Swiss Alps. Times like these he couldn’t help but think. Would Marc have been better off if they never met. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New evidence emerges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets harder before it gets easier.

Chapter 3

Many years later as they looked back to what happened that day in and out of the courtroom, disastrous cannot even begin to describe it. 

Bang, bang, bang. Blatant, loud knocks made Marc put the glass of whiskey on the table. After making a promise to stick to beer when he pledged to get his life back in order more than a year ago, he had not had anything this strong for a while. The alcohol went straight to his head making him a bit unsteady on his feet as he walked over to open the door. Because let’s face it, Kay cannot be bothered right now. 

“Glad you are home. Would be nice if one of you looked at your phone once in a while.” Oliver barged in without being invited, followed closely by the young prosecutor Wagner. Marc grabbed his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. Yep, still on silent since the court earlier today. 

“Where is Kay?” Oliver asked after noticing the empty living room with a lonely glass of whiskey at the bar table. 

“Inside.” Marc nodded in the direction of the bedroom door. 

“How is he holding up?” Concern was apparent in Oliver’s handsome face. 

Marc sighed and rubbed his eyes with the pad of his palm. “He hasn’t said a word since we came back from the court. But he is trying as hard as he can, considering.” 

“Is it a good idea to talk to him now?” Oliver questioned cautiously. 

Marc shrugged his shoulders. “As good as any I guess.” 

After Oliver went into the bedroom to talk to Kay, Marc beaconed the lawyer to sit on the sofa. “Would you like anything to drink?” 

“I am alright. Thank you.” Wagner replied courteously. 

Marc sat across from his guest and took a deep breath to calm his shaky nerves. “Leon, we have been working on and off for this case for a while now. I know you had reservations about predicting what the result will be, especially after we heard Wolfe was going to be the defense lawyer. Can you tell me honestly what chances do we have in putting Bauer away?” 

Wagner stared at the floor and shifted his feet uncomfortably. “To be honest Marc, it doesn’t look good.” He looked up and expectantly saw the disappointment on Marc’s face, “Kay walked straight into every single one of Wolfe’s tricks today. He wanted to paint the pictures that one Kay is unreliable as a witness, two that the event may be consensual. And he was successful on both accounts.” 

The young lawyer sighed, “in the beginning I had said male sexual assault is hard to convict even with multiple hard evidences and witnesses. Because it’s so rare and the people have a hard time grasping it. I hope what I say doesn't offend you Marc. The government tries to be politically correct, but a lot of people still have prejudice against the gay population. They still carry the notion that you are into recreational drugs and are sexually promiscuous.” 

Marc knew that, but it still hurt hearing it from their legal friend. He was the one who convinced Kay to do this, lay everything in the open and take Bauer to trial. He wanted revenge, wanted Bauer to get what he deserved for hurting Kay that way, and gullibly believed that the law would protect what’s right. 

Now what? They really lived through this whole nightmare again for nothing? Would Kay forgive him for going through all that? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if he had shot the monster that cold December night. 

“Is there really no hope?” Hints of desperation were obvious in Marc’s voice. 

“I’m not going to say it’s completely hopeless. I still have to do cross-examination on Bauer and that is when we are going to win back some points with the jury. But at the way it’s looking now, most likely he will only be convicted for raising arms to a police officer and gets put away for a year, at most two, but probably no more than five.” 

“Scheibe.” Marc mumbled under his breath and covered his face with his hands. 

“Of course, the best shot we have is to see if there is new evidence to show what happened in the warehouse was completely against Kay’s will.” Wagner continued in a more serious tone. “Marc, this is very important, and I will talk to Kay later too, can you think of any possible evidence that is still available?” 

Marc squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his palms. He shook his head. 

“No Oliver, you are not!” Shouts erupted as the bedroom door opened. Marc looked up just as Oliver swiftly ducked Kay’s attempt to grip his arm. Ruddy cheeked and short of breath, they look like they have been arguing for a while. 

“Kay, I heard about what happened during the trial today. This is our last hope. I put my career with the force on line for you when I gave you that video because you are a good friend. Now I am willing to do that again because I won’t let you give up now!” Oliver yelled. 

Looking confused, Marc stood up from the armchair. “What are you talking about Oliver? What video?” His eyes surveyed from Oliver to Kay, who has his eyes shut and obviously working hard to control his breath. 

“Marc, Leon.” Walking away from Kay to sit on a bar stool, Oliver continued in a calmer voice. “The sick bastard actually filmed that night in the warehouse. Can you believe that?” Oliver snorted disgustedly. “It was a small clip camera with a micro SD card that was missed by the uniforms. I found it on one of the shelves close to the ceiling after they left. I was going to give it to them as evidence but I made the mistake of watching the first minute of it. When I realized what it is I decided to give it to Kay instead. Tampering with evidence, I knew I may very likely lose my job but I still gave it to Kay because I was sure he didn’t want another person to witness what was on the video.” 

He turned to Marc, “sorry Marc, Kay gave me strict instruction to not tell anyone about it, especially you.” 

Marc patted his friend on the shoulder and walked over to his lover. “Kay, is this true?” 

“Damn it Oliver, so much for keeping it to yourself.” Kay muttered. 

Wagner stood up, maybe a little too excitedly, and walked over to Kay. “Kay, that’s great news! I was just talking to Marc to see if there was any other evidence we missed. If we have a video of that night, we can definitely prove what happened in that warehouse was not consensual.” 

“No!” Kay snapped. “There is no video, anymore. I destroyed it.” 

“You are bullshitting Kay.” Oliver snickered, “I know you still have it. Or you wouldn’t have been so adamant that I don’t mention it to others.” He paused and used a gentler voice, “you, Marc, and Leon have gotten this far Kay, what are you afraid of? No one is going to judge you differently after seeing that video. At least not us, not the ones who care about you. Don’t worry about me. I don’t care if I get fired from the force after you show the video. Do you want that scum to walk free?” 

“He’s right.” Wagner continued after Oliver, “To be honest Kay, looking at what happened in the courts today, we don’t have much chance in putting Bauer away. Not matching your previous report does not look good, and I can see the jury is already wavering in thinking this incident may be consensual.” 

“Shut up.” Kay shot a cold glare at the prosecutor, “all you care about is your track record. You couldn’t have a failure on your books could you?” 

“Kay, that’s not fair. We are all just trying to help.” Marc sighed after seeing Wagner’s pale face upon hearing Kay’s remark. 

“I don’t care what you all say. Nothing is going to change my mind. There is no way in hell I am watching that video again because it was the worst night of my life, let alone showing it to an audience so everyone can have a laugh.” With that, Kay went back into the bedroom and slammed the door. 

****

If he was honest with himself, Marc felt hurt after Oliver and Wagner left. Kay had this video all this time and mentioned no words to him about it. Did Kay not trust him enough? Did he not love Kay enough? If Kay was trying to protect him, there was no need. Actually, watching the video would probably help Marc. The real images cannot be worse than the images that encroached Marc’s brain during the day and haunted his nightmares at night. 

“Kay, can I come in?” Promising their friends that he would continue to work on convincing Kay, Marc knocked on the bedroom door. Hearing no response from inside, he slowly turned the knob. Kay was laying on their bed with his back facing Marc, muscle tense and shoulder slumped. 

Marc sat by the bed. “What do you fancy for dinner?” 

“Whatever you want. I have no appetite.” Kay replied coldly. 

“You haven’t had anything the whole day, babe. You have to eat at some point.” 

A shrug in the shoulder was the only response Marc got. 

Marc sighed and started twisting the folds in the sheet with his fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me about the video? Do you not trust me?” 

Kay turned around and looked at Marc with profound sadness in his blue eyes. He shook his head. “No, it’s not that Marc. Because I knew you would pressure me to watch it and bring it to court.” 

Marc took the chance to grab Kay’s hand, “but you should Kay. It’s our strongest objective evidence to convict the scum.” 

Kay withdrew his hand and sat up exasperatedly. “I knew you would say that. All of you would say that. Why is it so hard for you all to understand? I do not want to watch the worst night of my life in pictures. Whatever is already in my head is enough to deal with.” 

“I understand Kay. But we have gotten this far. Do you want all this pain to be wasted and Bauer still walks off free? It just seemed like a small sacrifice if we are able to get Bauer what he deserves.” For two people who loved each other as much as they did, they sure have trouble understanding one another. 

“A small sacrifice?! That’s rich coming from you Marc.” Kay jumped up from bed. “Do I have to remind you I was the one he raped. I was the one who had to live through that night.” 

“I’m sorry Kay, that’s not what I meant.” Marc stood up too. “Do you think it was easy for me to watch the man I loved more than life go through all that? But it would be a hundred times worse if this was all a waste of time.” 

“This was your fault.” Kay grumbled under his breath. 

“What did you say Kay?” Marc was finding it harder and harder to control the rage in his chest. After all, all he wanted was to get revenge for the man he loved. 

“Yes. It was your fault Marc.” Kay vented. “I never wanted to bare my soul in the police station and take Bauer to court. I never wanted to recount that night over and over again to everyone who will listen. I didn’t care if Bauer went to jail because he already got what he deserved. Didn’t you see him today? He is already half dead. What difference does it make? It’s what you wanted Marc. I did all that because you convinced me to.” 

Marc couldn’t believe his ears for a moment. Kay actually blamed him for this whole mess. How can Kay not care what happens to his tormentor, their tormentor. “Kay, do you not hate that bastard? Did you forget you are a police officer? Are you telling me that you don’t care whether we let criminals go free? Because you are too scared to face what happened? Running away is never the answer Kay, that’s what you told me.” 

“Fuck You Marc! You weren’t the one tied up and raped. How could you understand?” 

_ Do you know how many times I have wished it was me instead? _ Kay’s words were a slap on Marc’s face and slash in his heart. He knew he should stop before he says something he will regret. But the anger still got the better of him. “Well you wouldn’t show me the video, would you? Then how can you expect me to understand?” 

Kay looked mortified as soon as his knuckles connected with Marc’s jaw knocking the other man to the floor. The punch momentarily brought Marc back to that gloomy afternoon on the country roads by Ludwigsburg, the first and only time he had hit Kay. So that is how it feels like when your heart breaks. Marc thought. 

“Now who is the pussy.” Marc wiped blood off his swollen lips. 

“Marc, I’m sorry.” Kay stammered. The only response was the slam of the front door. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Walking aimlessly on the street, Marc lit up a cigarette he got from the corner store by their building. Despite well into April, the early evening was still chilly in Munich. He shivered in his long sleeve t-shirt. No time to grab a jacket in his haste to get out of the suffocating condo he shared with Kay.

“Scheibe.” He muttered as he choked on the first smoke. After Kay’s major surgery last year from the bullet wound, the doctor told him not to smoke ever again.And to show his support, Marc quit smoking with his lover. It wasn’t easy, but he could count with one hand the number of times he had cheated. 

And this was one of those times. 

Debating whether to continue to wander around or get his car for a drive, his cell phone rang. It was only then Marc realized he luckily brought his phone with him in his jean pocket. 

The name on the caller ID put a small smile on Marc’s face. Max Wildt. Ever since meeting him in the emergency room at LMU Hospital that horrible December night last year, the young doctor had become Marc and Kay’s good friend. Kay had regular therapy sessions since the event which Marc never accompanied. Sometimes Marc felt Max Wildt had also become his personal therapist. 

“Hey Marc. How was today? How is Kay? I tried calling him but his phone is off.” Max’s concerned voice came from the other end of the line.

“It’s been a mess.” Marc sighed. His stomach growled reminding him dinner is overdue. “Hey, are you working right now? Want to grab a drink and bite to eat?” 

“Sure thing. I just got off my shift. Bistro 33 sounds good?” 

“Sounds good. I will be there in 10 minutes. Will fill you in when I see you.” Hanging up the phone, Marc started walking toward his Volkswagen Golf. 

“So what happened in the courts today? Not well I heard?” After 3 shots of whiskey, Max was starting to worry he would have to drive and drag his friend home. 

The spicy taste of strong alcohol worked wonders to warm Marc’s shiver and calm his nerves. “It went as horribly as it could possibly have. That scoundrel of an attorney portrayed Kay as a liar and suggested what happened in that warehouse was what Kay wanted.” 

“What the fuck.” Max remarked in disgust, “how is Kay taking it?”

“Miserably. We just had a huge fight.” 

“Is that where the swollen lip came from?” 

Though the stress was taking an obvious toll on the couple’s relationship in the weeks leading up to the trial. Max was still surprised seeing that they actually took it to the fist. Through the last couple of months, he had heard from snippets about how Marc and Kay got together and always admired how strong their bond was, at the same time secretly wishing he would be able find a similar love for himself one day. 

“It’s a difficult time for both of you. What is your lawyer’s plan of attack?” Max asked, trying to change the sour subject. 

“There is no plan.” Marc made a weary face. “We are screwed without any new evidence. Bauer will get off with minimal sentences.” 

“Maybe change a lawyer?” 

“No point. Leon is one of the best prosecutors and he knows the case inside out. He warned us it might seem to us we can nail him, but male sexual assault is extremely difficult to convict. The thing is though,” Marc sighed in desperation, “Kay has the evidence able to convict that bastard. But he is not willing to present it.” 

“What evidence?” Max asked curiously. 

“I just learnt today Bauer actually filmed that night. There is a video on some micro SD chip and Kay actually has it. He never told me all this time. If it wasn’t for Oliver, who found the chip in the first place, Kay would have still kept it a secret.” 

“That video will prove Bauer guilty?” 

“Of course! What other evidence do you need? Leon thinks so too. But whatever, Kay adamantly refuses to bring it to court.” Marc nodded while toying with the idea of ordering another shot. 

“Well, Kay has a point. You should be able to imagine how difficult it is to show the worst night of your life, how you were tortured and tormented, not only to yourself but to a room full of people.” Max shrugged his shoulders. 

“Hey, who’s side are you on?” Marc glared across the table. “How is it worse than what we have already been through? If the video is the only thing that will put Bauer to jail, I say it’s totally worth it. You know what he said today? That he didn’t care if Bauer gets put away. He wouldn’t have done any of this trial if it wasn’t for me.” 

Max shook his head, “Marc, you got to understand how difficult it is for Kay to come this far already. Showing that video in court might very well be the last straw. Seeing it in graphic color is still different than recounting it in words. How do you expect Kay to face everyone in the station after the video is made public?” 

Marc stared at his plate of pasta that he barely touched while pondering over what his friend said. Maybe he was being too insensitive. “He should have told me about the video earlier. And I wish he would let me see it, even if he didn’t want to see it himself. If it really is too horrific, I will destroy it and never mention it again. It’s just so frustrating to give up on conviction now.” 

“Then talk to him. Say to Kay what you just said to me.” Max reached over to pat Marc’s arm before feeling conscious about how intimate this gesture appeared. “Hey, I have never seen two people who loved each other as much as you and Kay did. You can get through anything.” 

Of course, he never doubted how much Kay loved him. As the titanium band on his left ring finger gleamed weakly in the dimly lit pub, Marc wondered if that love would be enough. 

******

“Oh my god Marc, how do you walk around with that fucking ego? Can’t you understand that not everything is about you?” Kay slammed the coffee mug on the counter. 

“I am not asking for a lot here, just some trust. Is that too much to ask for from you?” Just coming home from a night shift, this was not how he planned the conversation would go. 

“Trust? Why can’t you just trust that I know what I want. I don’t want to watch that damn video and I don’t want you or anyone else watching it!” Kay grabbed his jacket, ready to leave for his shift. 

“Because you are not being logical! What are you afraid of Kay? That I would leave after I see the video?” Marc walked over to stand between Kay and the front door. He put his hand on his lover’s cheek and said in a gentler tone, “I said before and I will say again, Kay. I am not going anywhere.” 

Kay shook his head. “No, I know you would never leave because you saw that video.”  _ Even when you don’t love me anymore and all we have left is pity.  _

The fight just this morning before Kay left for work still rang in his ears as he sat by himself in the police canteen. 2 days since the trial, Marc and Kay barely saw each other due to different work schedules. Yet the minimal amount of time they spent together had been anything but pleasant. Kay understands why Marc is adamant about watching the video. He just can’t let go of the chance of convicting Bauer. While all Kay wished was he and Marc could move on. As the trial is scheduled to restart tomorrow, Kay is seriously considering the option of running away.

Despite the police force’s effort in commitment to diversity, Kay could tell that people at the station saw him differently since the trial. He is not the sensitive kind, but sitting in the police canteen by himself while other people are whispering and throwing him interesting glances when they think he is not looking, Kay can’t help but feel self conscious. 

“Hey Kay.” Oliver slipped into the seat across from him at the table, “guess your trial is delayed again.” 

“What?” That definitely caught Kay’s attention. 

“Didn’t Leon text you?” Oliver frowned, “Bauer was rushed to the hospital, again.” So that’s why the phone has been beeping all morning. Kay just assumed it was Marc so decided to ignore it. 

“What do you mean rushed to hospital again?” Kay asked. 

“Well, I heard through the grapevines that Bauer had a very rough recovery course since he was shot. He lost half of his liver and had to stay in the hospital for almost 2 months. Since he was discharged after that initial stay, he had to be taken back at least 3 times for multiple surgeries. And last night he was taken to LMU hospital yet again. Bowel perforation or something. Tax-payer money well spent if you ask me.” Oliver added sarcastically. 

“No wonder he looked so sick.” Kay murmured. It’s true, his trial was originally scheduled to start in March and now it’s mid-April. 

Kay let out a sigh of relief. At least now Marc is going to stop nagging about the video for a bit. 

****

However, even a week later, Marc feels the atmosphere at home with Kay only had minimal improvement. As Bauer was still in the hospital due to complications after surgery with no discharge date in sight, the trial was pushed to god knows when. 

They still barely saw each other because of different shift schedules. Marc isn’t sure if Kay did that on purpose. The small amount of times they spent together at home, it only changed from angry shouting to cold shoulders. Even when they lay on the same bed, Marc feels there was a rift between which neither of them would cross. Gone were the times when they would hold onto each other throughout the night. And to make things worse, they had not made love for over a week. 

Yes, this was definitely the biggest fight they had since Marc relocated to Munich to be with Kay. 

Looking at the titanium band Kay put on his finger just 2 months ago, Marc sighed. So much for plans of a wedding. On the rare days when he is off, Marc considered his options to rectify the situation. Should he cook a fancy meal to surprise Kay when he gets home from his shift? Marc shook his head. If he learnt one thing in his thirty years of life, it’s that he has absolutely no talent in the kitchen. Every single one of his cooking endeavours had been disastrous. 

In the end, Marc decided to clean compulsively, one task that would calm him down. Who knows, maybe a clean home would calm Kay’s nerves too. As he methodically went through their dresser, he saw a small black chip at the bottom of Kay’s sock drawer. When Marc picked it up from the corner, it was only the size of a quarter of his finger nail. As he brought the chip closer to his eyes, Marc realized what it was. 

It was a micro SD card. 

Heart racing as if he just ran a marathon, Marc dropped what he was planning to do to find a laptop. He put the chip into the adaptor with shaky fingers and clicked on the open file tab. The lighting is dim and the picture is grainy, but Marc could make out Kay, tied by the hands over the head to a shelf, chest bare and wearing the same pair of sweatpants as when Marc found him that awful December night. 

If Marc could choose again, he would stop right at that moment, throw the micro SD card out the window, and continue with what he was doing before. But he did not have 20/20 hindsight. Curiosity was part of it, but the major driver for Marc to continue watching that video was his love for Kay. He wanted to understand his lover went through that horrible night. And he wanted to see if the video would be helpful in the courts. 

However, he did not get very far. Eyes glued to the screen, Marc was oblivious to his surroundings. The next thing he knew, Kay was standing behind him, practically catatonic with face paler than the wall print.    
  


“Kay….” Marc stammered. 

As if walking out of a trance, Kay shoved Marc aside against the wall, grabbed the laptop and dumped it on the floor. Plastic and glass splattered as the laptop shattered into pieces causing Marc to shield his eyes with an arm. When he looked up again, Kay had stormed out of the door. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry the first chapter is short. It's just to set the scene, remind people of the previous story and introduce some new characters. More to come later.


End file.
